Animal Writings

Not sure if this would work...

The company would be called something like "Compassionate Critter Control." They would help homeowners and maybe renters and landlords humanely keep unwanted animals like mice and rats out of buildings. They would probably also provide products and services related to prevention of undesired animal intruders.

Their primary service, as I imagine it, would be to identify and eliminate all possible points of entry of small animals into the building. First they would do an audit, for a modest fee, which would result in a recommended course of action and an estimate. Once they got the go-ahead to proceed, they would seal up holes and cracks in exterior walls, install baffles in chimneys, apply caulking around windows, put easy-to-remove-and-replace netting around dryer vents, and so forth. They might also clean up brush around the house and put in barriers to keep some separation between vegetation and the structure.

To add value, they could offer additional consultation and advice on keeping the dwelling less attractive to rodents and other uninvited animals. For instance, as a convenience, they might they might sell plastic food storage containers on the spot for only slightly more than you would pay at the store. They might advise homeowners to tightly cover bird seed and trim tree branches near the house. Anything non-trivial they could offer as a service.

Beyond that, it gets murky for me. But here are some possibilities:

• They could offer humane indoor rodent traps and relocation. The problem I run into here is making sure that the residents do not catch a mice and forget to check the trap. I've thought about ways to mitigate this risk, but they all seem unworkable so far.


• They could offer humane rabbit defenses. For example they could bury a suitable fence around a vegetable garden, but also plant a "decoy garden" as a compassionate gesture to the local cottontails. The decoy garden could have plants like mint, which thrives, and kale, which most people eat sparingly. The idea here is a win-win. The company could also recommend plants that rabbits don't like, such as marigolds, tomatoes, and thyme.


• The company could offer similar humane arbitration for deer. Although, I tell ya, as we relentlessly destroy the deers' habitat, our backyard vegetation may be all that's left for the deer to eat. But if the homeowners would otherwise do something more drastic, the CCC guys might be an alternative that saves the deer from worse fates while mollifying the humans. I realize we quickly get into quandaries here. But peaceful solutions start with desire; where there's a will, there's usually a way. Who knows, maybe CCC even does deer fertility controls.


• CCC might apply some safe insect deterrents, or recommend and/or implement local integrated pest management, keeping in mind that nature doesn't always work according to plan. For instance, the ladybugs and green lacewings may decide to migrate next door. Maybe CCC does things like spraying red pepper solutions on plants. Not sure. I could see them doing soil amendments (vegan), pruning, companion planting, and other measures to keep the plants healthy and their defenses in top shape. Although I'm starting to drift here, turning CCC into a vegan gardening and lawn service. I guess that wouldn't be so bad, either.

What got me to thinking about this business idea way back was the fact that if you could keep the animals out of the building, you cut way back on the poisons, pesticides, and cruel traps. You reduce animal suffering and perhaps you help people get out of a conflict mindset (and hopefully somewhat into a co-existence mindset). The CCC trucks, advertising, methods, and literature would run contrary to the predominant portrayal of unwanted animals as merely "pests." It would inject some respect for animals and calmness into the marketplace, I would hope. What I see a lot is people going automatically to warfare mode, buying pellets and sprays and wayfarin and horrific glue traps. Some of these products cause prolonged and severe agony in their victims. They may cause convulsions and unbearable pain. I was talking to someone just the other day who was telling me about the effects of a rodenticide that had been used on the rats (not an infestation) in her apartment building; she described the animals as in delirium—she said it was difficult and somewhat sickening to watch—and vowed to never use such drastic measures herself. (That conversation was a catalyst for writing this post. Also note that pets, children, and "non-target" species can get into these poisons. My niece one time had to be medi-vac'ed to the hospital because she had inhaled some bug spray. She was unconscious when they airlifted her.)

At first I figured a company like CCC would mostly deal with homeowners, but the more I think about it, the apartment and office building market might even be better, since those establishments seem to more often have recurring, reliable, long-term revenue opportunities. I don't know.

In fact, I'm not sure about any of this. It's just a thought, an idea. If anyone thinks it's a good idea and is entrepreneurial, run with it. I'm sure there are lots of nooks and crannies and problems and "devils in the details" that I haven't thought about. Also, there might be all sorts of upsides that I haven't thought about, either. I'd be interested and grateful for any comments or criticisms, or if anyone could tell me if such a service already exists, and if it works. Or if anything like this has been considered and rejected, or tried and failed.